Love Therapy with Francis Bonnefoy
by Randomsplashes
Summary: Enter the nation of love, France and his show as he deals with break-ups, confessions and mayhem from our fellow love-struck nations! Chapter One: Russia. Join the 'love doctor' as he deals with Russia's worst nightmare.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia =)**

**Hey everyone! I'm back with a new fanfiction called 'Love Therapy with Francis Bonnefoy.' It's a bit random and I thought that it was a pretty good idea to write this fic. I thought that France hosting his own love advice show is quite interesting! I'm not too sure if there should be a romantic interest for France. If there is, it's definitely a nation. So this chapter is about Russia's love troubles. It has Belarus in it of course. There is a slight one-sided Rochu part :) And a few other nations too.... Hope you enjoy it~  
**

**Quick Translations: _Здравствуйте_-hello in Russian, _Angleterre-_England, _tres bien_-very good in French,_ mon ami-_****my friend,_ mon cheri_-my dear, _au revoir_-goodbye, ****magnifique-****magnificent, **_**c'est mauvais-**_**this is bad.  
**

* * *

** Client One: Russia  
**

_Moscow, Russia_

'_Are you a love-struck nation desperate for some help? Do you find that life is completely worthless without having the love of your life? Mon Dieu! Just ask the nation of romance, Francis Bonnefoy and his relationship advice show- 'Love Therapy wit__h Francis Bonnefoy' This 'love doctor' will have all the answers to your problems. Call us to get a spot on the show…'_

Grabbing the bottle of vodka and a bloody metal pipe, a lone ominous figure giggled softly in the darkness.

"_Kolkolkol_.....France-san won't mind me at all da?"

* * *

Francis Bonnefoy never felt so accomplished in his life. This was it. He had actually created his first love advice show. And the best part was that the Frenchman was the only host- after all, who wouldn't want to steal his position? He was the center of the show!

The Frenchman daintily sipped his wine. Ah, what a life it was! Sitting on some fancy love seat from Sweden and listening to classic French love songs was _magnifique._

However, he'd like to remind his close friends-ahem- Gilbert and Antonio that his previous show never existed. It was better starting off fresh and clean. Francis smirked, he was _far_ from clean. In fact, he had lost count of how many times he had tainted his fellow nations. But aside from love-making and molesting nations, the life he had always imagined was finally real. The Frenchman was determined to make his show succeed at all costs.

Grabbing a thin folder off the counter, Francis flipped through the papers nonchalantly.

_Mon Dieu! You mustn't get excited. You're the nation of love no? Find the perfect victim._

"Aha!"

Twirling his locks, Francis glanced at the paper excitedly, he knew exactly who his first victim would be!

_"__Monsieur____,_ there's a call for you."

The Frenchman frowned, puzzled by the call. At a time like this? It couldn't be Prussia or Antonio right? Perhaps it was _Angleterre_ calling up to bother him again.

"Oui, oui, I got it."

Picking up the phone, the irritated nation answered curtly.

"Francis Bonnefoy here. What is it this time? I'm very busy here if you don't mind-"

"It's _Comrade Russia _da."

France sputtered, why was Russia calling him at a time like this?

"We haven't talked in a while France-san. I was wondering if you could do a little _favor_ for me."

Gripping the phone tightly, France nervously brushed the locks from his face.

"Ah yes! What can I do for you mon ami?"

The Russian only giggled in reply.

"Schedule me at your love advice show da? And bring my favorite nations on the show too da!"

"W-what?"

That was odd. Why would Russia ever consider going on the show? However, the Russian continued on, giggling.

"Please make sure I'm on your show or.."

It didn't take a fool to know that refusing requests from an insane nation could result in something terrible.

"Oui! Oui! Of course! I will make it my priority, do not worry!"

"Heehee~ I'm glad that you agreed to France-san! I'll see you on the show then and," the Russian's voice croaked, "...Don't bring Belarus please da."

"_A..Au revoir_ then!"

_Phew. Safe for now. _France thought as he slowly set the phone down.

Knees still shaking slightly from their conversation, the Frenchman breathed a sigh of relief. But, there were two things that puzzled Francis though.

Who were Russia's favorite nations? And didn't he want Belarus on the show?

* * *

_Paris, France_

_This is it. _Crossing his fingers, Francis wished himself luck; the Frenchman definitely needed it.

Blowing a kiss to the mirror, the nation spoke to himself.

"Looking pretty _mon cheri_."

Giving one last look at his fabulous figure, Francis stepped out onto the stage.

_Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the amazing Love Therapy with Francis Bonnefoy show where nations confess and plead for the 'love doctor' to help their relationship troubles. Will drama and betrayal ruin our nation's chances of love? Or will the nation of love save them? Embrace our host, the' tres bien moi' Mr. Bonnefoy!_

As courteous as he was, Francis couldn't help giving suggestive glances towards his audience. Of course, it drove all the women wild. And men too. However, Francis didn't expect to see his fellow nations among the crowd. Especially Angleterre with that smug, mocking look. However, his good buddies Gilbert and Antonio were there _thankfully_. The Spaniard was waving enthusiastically at him while Gilbert simply gave him a thumbs up. It was good to know that he was supported by his trustworthy friends. Francis glared towards the Brit to let that damned Englishman know that he knew of his presence.

"Bonjour! Boujour! My name is Francis..." The French nation threw roses and kisses towards his legion of fans and mockingly at England. "....Bonnefoy!"

Fangirls screamed and men swooned. Both Gilbert and Antonio catcalled. Pity it was that somewhere out there a certain nation gagged.

"Today my dears, we have invited the nation of the cold and of vodka, Russia!" The audiences gasped and certain fangirls screamed-mainly about wanting to be_ 'one'_ with Russia. Francis could visibly feel shivers running down his back.

As if on cue, the said nation came out onto the stage. The Russian's appearance was oddly in contrast to the show's brightly colored decors. Donned in a heavy gray jacket, brown pants and purple scarf, the Russian seemed out of place. However, the tall nation smiled politely and greeted the audience, his childishly innocent voice catching full attention of the crowd.

" Здравствуйте! My name is Russia da~ But you can call me _Ivan_~ I'm hoping to reveal the sources of my sorrow so France-san can fix them and.." Russia glanced towards the Frenchman expectantly. "I hope to confess to France-san about being 'one' with a certain nation da~"

Somewhere out there Francis could feel Russia's fangirls brimming with joy and excitement. Shouldn't they be heartbroken? Guiding the Russian to his seat and sitting a good measure's distance away from Russia, Francis began asking questions.

"So, I hear that you have some source of trouble in your love life. So what's the problem _mon ami_?"

The Russian leaned over to Francis, and whispered softly. "Are you sure that you didn't bring Belarus?" His voice seemed less childishly than before much to Francis' dismay.

"Of course not! Mon dieu! Lets get back to the topic shall we?" assured France.

Reluctantly, the Russian settled back into his seat. "Hehe, I seem to have this slight problem with my sister...Belarus," answered Russia.

"Oui, keep going." murmured France. He was actually intrigued now. What on earth did Belarus do that caused such woe for the nation?

"Um...she likes me more than a nation and as her brother...and...." Russia's voice softly trailed off.

"And?"

"She wants to _marry me_! Help me France-san~ I always lock the door because she keeps telling us to 'marry'! 'Marry me brother', 'Marry me brother' I can't take this anymore da! _Kolkolkol_....."

That seemed to get the audience going. Fangirls screamed with shock and anger. Apparently, England was dumbfounded too. Even Francis didn't expect that. He had never knew that Russia was living such a torturous life now. Mon dieu! The Russian was on his knees now, begging the Frenchman for assistance.

"What will you do da? How can you get rid of my sister's affections for me?" whispered Russia, his voice hoarse and desperate. To Francis though, it was more on the borderline of insane.

"Well, lets see _mon cheri_. As the nation of love, I suggest you to separate all ties from your sister immediately." It didn't work out well because it sent the Russian into another fit.

"Belarus will come back for me! My metal pipe won't work on her! She'll murder me and marry my _corpse_ da!"

France wasn't sure how to combat that one. He had to admit, it was tricky to even think of any solutions. Twirling his locks, Francis took a sip of his wine and calmed himself down.

"_You can't even get yourself out of this one you bloody frog!_" Angleterre's insults didn't help either.

"Kesese! Forget scone-face France! The _awesome _Prussia believes in you!" yelled Gilbert as he gave another thumbs up towards France.

France had to admit, being part of the 'Bad Touch Trio' was pretty amazing. Leaning over, Francis took a hold of Russia. There was only one solution left.

**_Strip into 'naked' mode_.**

And so, the Frenchman did, in about 3 seconds. His bare body, excluding the rose that gratefully covered his vital regions and the cat ears, seemed to bring the entire audience into catcalls and excitement. Flaunting his figure, Francis spread his arms wide to Russia and to his audience.

"Since this problem proved itself much harder than expected, I, Francis Bonnefoy, shall pay a visit to Belarus and solve this atrocity with_ 'loooovvv-"_

Unfortunately Francis never got the chance to finish. Apparently, the Frenchman forgot to notice Russia's worst nightmare or the knives that had trapped him and nearly destroyed his vital regions. It was such a shame since things were finally resolving.

The female nation stood protectively in front of Russia. As protective as it was, Belarus held an insane aura, and the multiple knives in her hand didn't help either. Pointing her knife towards the audience, Belarus glared at the audience and the angered fangirls.

"DON'T TOUCH MY BROTHER." seethed Belarus. Turning her attention to Francis, the female nation continued on.

"NO ONE WILL _MARRY_ MY DEAR BROTHER NOR TOUCH HIM OR BE WITH HIM."

"NOT EVEN YOU," screamed Belarus. "CAN STOP ME FROM BEING 'ONE' WITH HIM."

Softening her gaze, the female nation glanced lovingly at Russia.

"Brother, you will MARRY me right?"

"This is ridiculous aru. Who brought me here in the first place?" China's annoyed voice thankfully broke the tension. Francis wasn't sure why China was here. But seeing Prussia pointing eagerly towards the Asian must have meant something right?

A light bulb appeared on Francis' head, he had the perfect idea.

"You see," said France. "There is already another nation who is 'one' with Russia...."

"WHO?!" Belarus flung another knife towards France, missing him by inches.

"CHINA." shouted France, pointing towards the Asian nation.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ARU?"

"YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH MY BROTHER OR SEE DAYLIGHT AGAIN."

Francis could see China waiting for the inevitable and regretted it. At this point, Belarus was going to murder someone and Francis couldn't help but feel responsible for that.

"Kolkolkol..Don't touch China da?" whispered Russia. In a matter of seconds, the Russian flung himself towards China and toppled the smaller nation.

_Uh oh. Bad idea. _

That only sent Belarus into a frenzy, the female nation flung her knives towards the direction of her 'dear brother' in an attempt to trap him. Freeing himself from the knives, Francis grabbed his rose and threw it against Belarus.

What Belarus didn't know though was that Francis had secretly dabbed the rose with sleeping powder. Immediately, the female nation collapsed onto the floor, prompting murmurs among the crowd. Luckily, Antonio and Gilbert caught the fainted nation in time and checked for injuries. Francis quickly cued for commercial break.

"...._C'est mauvais_..."

"You alright git?"

Of all nations, Francis totally didn't expect England to say that. Picking himself up, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm alright Angleterre. I just didn't think it would end up this way."

"Oh suck it up. The bloody audience loved it. It's like watching another episode of that bloody show _Maury._"

"_Mon dieu!_ That show which _Amerique_ forced you to watch?"

"Shut up wanker. I enjoyed it." muttered England. "Now, if you'll excuse me, America's picking me up for hamburgers....."

Watching the Englishman leave, Francis headed over to Russia and China. The Asian looked visibly furious as he shouted profanities at Francis.

"This show is pathetic aru! Just you wait aru, I'll tell all the others how lame this-"

"Thank you France-san~ How did you know that I wanted to become 'one' with China in the first place da?"

Francis shivered slightly as he watched the Russian embrace the smaller nation. The Frenchman couldn't help but give an apologetic look towards China.

_2 minutes left till end of commercial break._

"I'm glad for you _mon cheri_. But lets wrap this up no?"

* * *

"_Welcome back_ my dears! Before the break, we have seen knives, outbursts and of course, _moi_. However, we're back to resolve the love troubles with our fellow nation, Russia."

The Russian smiled politely, seeming to have completely composed himself since his little meltdown. On Russia's left side was Belarus, still knocked out from the sleeping powder. And on Russia's right side was China, looking confused and irritated.

"Have we decided to come to terms with the problem Russia?"

"Of course da~ From now on, China will become 'one' with me and Belarus will stay with Liet-kun forever~" announced Russia, his eyes gleaming with excitement. The 'oohs' and 'awes' from the audience seemed to settle the matter. No one seemed to notice the shock on China's face or the look of horror on the Baltic nations, excluding Lithuania.

"Oui, oui, problem solved! Well, it's been a pleasure helping you Russia. I wish the best of luck to both of you!"

"Heehee~ Thank you da!"

"I hate you so much France aru." muttered China as Russia dragged him backstage. But France simply ignored him and smiled dashingly at his audience.

"It's such a pity that our time's up. It's been a_ magnifique_ time~ _Au revoir! Au revoir!_"

Waving and blowing kisses, Francis bowed and left the stage. Heading backstage, Francis took a hold of his rose and flashed his dazzling smile.

"_Client one, a_ _succes_s!"

* * *

_Seoul, Korea_

Korea moaned in agony. This wasn't suppose to happen like this! He was suppose to be on the show! Not Russia!

"NOOO_!_ _I_ was suppose to be with aniki! Dammit! I'll get you for this France!"

Grabbing the phone, Korea dialed the number.

"Shinatty-chan? Are you there? It's me~ I have a favor to ask of you...."

* * *

_Next time on Love Therapy with Francis Bonnefoy, our nation of love faces his next patient, Spain and his relationship troubles with South Italy. Along with mayhem and violence, the nation of love also faces his next enemies-turtles. _

_

* * *

_**Ve~ Ve~ So what did you guys think? Will Belarus come back to haunt him? Or will Shinatty-chan**** and Korea come and destroy France's show? We'll also be seeing our Spaniard and his lovely tomato-ahem-Lovino along with their family of turtles! How will Francis cope with insane turtles and a feisty Italian? Tune in next time!**** Read it and review? **

**Spain: Lovi~ You're so cuteeeee! **

**Lovi: Shut it you bastard! -slaps-**

**France: _Mon dieu!_**

**Korea: da ze**~ **I invented romance shows~**


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